theres no photos and a lot of words.

by The Lingernots

These are WEIRD times that feel unpleasant, and deafening and confusing as hell, because one hand you have the sun shining, you have blue flowers blooming all over everything (Texas’ national flower is pretty persistent, even in this heat) and you have tan legs blasting out of tiny shorts, tiny dresses and that ivresse of the summertime when you’re melancholic (missing those three month summer breaks while you’re sitting at your day job?) absolutely drunk because everyone has a pool or knows someone that lives in a building in a pool and you can’t throw a rock without hitting a backyard party, and every band in the world seems to be on tour (except for us, but we were in the studio, so there IS that.) BUT………

I can’t seem to get into it.

I’m having the fiercest summer blues like the most annoying baby sister thats having her puberty crisis conveniently during your nice family vacation. I feel like the sun is this violent bully thats just blinding me and drying out the river, heat seems to rise off the black top like an intoxicating poison that actually isn’t any fun to inhale. Heat bloated tourists trail in and out of the boutique I work at and inevitably imitate each other perfectly and sometimes, I wonder if its a candid camera joke.. (I’m looking at you, girls that have to read EVERY greeting card to their bored boyfriends, out loud. Why do you ALL do this?)

I think the last time I was this grumpy and insufferable, I was 15 years old, visiting family all summer and between wanting to spend the whole summer loitering at punk shows and smoking in bathtubs with Lili Dagan and watching the X files and dressing up my cute guy friends in dresses and all that, I went to my home town, where being a sheet white crafty artsy kid is just being weird, and I suddenly saw myself as way larger than all the other girls for the first time ever. Not in height (ha) but the other direction, which crushed me beyond belief. I spent the whole summer crying and clutching my thighs, I can guarantee you, my mom, had an AWESOME time with me. The main thing was, I felt really out of my element, and not in a challenging and bohemian way, just in a nothing here is what I am way, which is precisely how I feel, here and now.

How is a child of coconut scented beaches, neon lit tattoo parlors, buying whiskey and breakfast cereal at the same store at any time of the day, who relishes in glam dance parties, sneaking into country clubs,holds roof top seances to revive authors and likes to sit near old men in cafes to eavesdrop on what they could possibly talk about (I am ALWAYS lurking by THAT table at Jo’s), supposed to feel alive and fresh in a town that is hours away from the ocean? Where the air smells of bacon and concrete instead of jasmine-burger-tar, where everything feels sweaty. I’m just not where I’m supposed to be and theres only so long before that kind of thing catches up to me.

So how do you function without being too horrid to yourself when the going gets whiny?

(My answer to that will be here tomorrow, but for now I want to hear YOUR suggestions, or thoughts ❤ )

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