I have a huge girl crush on Scarlet and today her new video comes out for her band Flowerglass!
check it out!
I have a huge girl crush on Scarlet and today her new video comes out for her band Flowerglass!
check it out!
I used to be so much better at having things to say, that warranted an outlet like this, a site where I could tip tap my fingers and display the thoughts, neat and organized, concise and without self doubt. I was better at doing this regularly, just like I was better at creating regularly without feeling machine-like and frustrated, and just like I was better at writing letters and notes to friends across the world to make sure that they had something other than pesky bills and notices laying around their mailboxes.
And then, something changed. Sometime between an umpteenth move across the states which stopped feeling like an adventure, but this time more like a tedious exodus, sometime between waking up and going to work and having serious anger issues that the mandatory wall colors in our apartment was that awful “gobi desert” that looks like dried soup (WHY, must apartment buildings have accent walls? If your building looks like an architectural nightmare, leave the accent colors to places with light.) and somewhere in between the crushing realities of house hunting in Los Angeles (the city where everything is an audition) I think I caved in.
Oh shit I left my whimsy in the car and I think it died of heat exhaustion.
I still carried a notebook but instead of dreams and observations it had long lists and cutting remarks of all my recent failures. Where I had success I was on such a high from the surprise of it all, that I felt like I had to dissect it to hold on to the strings of it to keep going. When I met new people, I didn’t even know how to introduce myself because I no longer knew myself.
I’d look at myself and the face in the mirror wasn’t even the one I recognized. Even with constant documentation, with instagram and Facebook, it’s such an edited spontaneity, I’d see the photo and think “that’s me” and look in the mirror and say “who is this?”
Luckily I don’t have a huge capacity for sadness. I can hold a little in my heart, and nurse it like some tiny suckling animal, but I need room to nurture the happiness in me too. I think they are twin emotions, both exist despite each other. Somewhere in between feeling glassy eyed and confused (everyone says thats what turning 26 does, I tell you it has more to do with feeling tired of who you are) I stopped feeling so… out of control.
I needed to take stock of the wonderful aspects of my life and stop pointing fingers where I had faltered. It’s easy to go through life forgiving yourself where you fall short, after all, you never went to college, maybe you’re parents divorced and where you should have witnessed an example of love and strength you saw bickering and pettiness (My parents did not divorce, this is an example.) Maybe your early boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on you and now you can’t possibly trust other people, and this is why the world is hard.
If you build it, they will tear it down.
My favorite, most long lasting excuse, was that I grew up with so much movement, starting and stopping school, in and out of activities before even getting rooted, that I was nearly incapable of following through with goals and plans, because in my life I never had. I had decided that my nomadic life had instilled in me an entitled sense of restlessness and when that started to get embarrassing I had a friend tattoo the words “Keep Going” on the side of my palms. Having the solutions to your short comings tattooed on your hands kind of helps when you feel like falling back into old habits. Yet even with achievements and persistence, I still found myself doing this thing where I’d furrow my browns and scowl and point an accusatory nail at my childhood.
I had an epic, strange, marvelous childhood. It was also difficult, harrowing and frustrating. Guess what? So is everyone’s. Lately instead of being comfortable in blame, I’ve chosen to solve. Instead of feeling incapable because I didn’t learn as a child, I pat that little memory on it’s pigtailed head and move the fuck on. It was never anger, it’s just easier to say “I can’t”. It’s easier to focus on unresolved issues from decades ago rather than close that book and move on. Not everything in life needs a tidy ending. Closure.
Closure is a luxury. Sometimes you have to move on despite unresolved feelings. Relationships end and sometimes you can’t mutually agree on why. Why stoke those fires instead of focusing on yourself and moving on?
Recently I’ve realized that I’m feeling so much better… now if only I could get back to writing and painting more faithfully…
I’m working on this project right now and one of the funny things that ended up happening was I spent a good portion of a beautiful day, researching letterheads and stationary and what ended up happening, was a complete obsession. File that one with my love affair with stereoscopes and old postcards from lovers.
Stationary, I’ve always liked, and is still something that’s quite easy to find, but there is this insane wealth of gorgeous letterheads that seems to be an endangered species of Relics That Shouldn’t Disappear. (Handmade zines, polaroid film, mix tapes and handwritten letters are all in there) What is today just a little logo and an address, was once like a total mural at the top of your letters! These are my favorites that I’ve found. (Above, the Old Kentucky letterhead is adorable because I love raccoons)
This is so rad, it looks like a Peter Max doodle.
Bowie’s looks like its on kraft paper. He’s always been coolest.
Again. So perfect.
This is beautiful and I can only imagine the detail on the stamp that this was made from.
This is from Ebay, again. This is the letterhead for a GAS STATION. Can you imagine a chevron today sending out notices on something so pretty? I think theres a market for boutique gas stations. Fill up, get your girl a peony, and get a sandwich that isn’t nuclear.
Frank Lloyd Wright’s is just insane
and last but not least
Oh Charles… You would have “The World’s Most Perfectly Developed Man” scrawled between your legs..
Anyone else here longing for their own pad of personalized paper? I think I’m going to get on mine.
June 19th we FINALLY got to screen Circular Ruins, that mysterious fruit that formed of the blood sweat and one tear from a lost fingernail of Juan Azulay, Kate Arizmendi, and The Saint James Society…
Six days of shooting through the desert deathscape, Mojave motels with bug blankets and bone white rocks, future retro reno motels with pink lightbulbs where we shot in kimonos and 7 inch heels until the sun came up, exploring death valley dunes while being our own crew and stars, to dance in the ruins of Rhyolite in nevada where thunder cracked the sky. Corona, CA at a black walled strip club to San Diego to feel warm blood between my fingers and then eat pizza…
We had the magnificent fortune of getting Lydia Lunch to wrap up the story, giving us her voice to end the narration.
(trailer for the video)
We screened it at a gorgeous supper club across the street from canters, I looked around and everywhere I looked I saw faces that made me smile. Good friends, new friends, heroes, crushes, Susan Sarandon (?!?!?!?!) We drank champagne and toasted everyone and then when the time came we all reconvened to Canters to laugh around grilled cheeses and whiskey. Theres nothing like wearing a 1930’s satin gown and being with your beloved in a giant deli at 4am giggling while spying a cop being indecisive about what donut to buy. I’ve NEVER seen a cop eat a donut and it finally happened. We made it home and the next day ran off to Joshua Tree where we shut ourselves off from the world to find ourselves again. I think its safe to say we all found something to take back.
I can’t wait to show you all the film, there are so many of you who had a hand in making this happen. <3
It’s almost summer! I had a birthday! I’m confused! I’m hungry, and at the same time, no I’m not! I want to go swimming! I have a sunburn on one side of my butt! My rollerskating rink stick on tattoo on my butt is also half gone, too.
It’s been a whole, complete year living in Los Angeles. Things I’m in love with:
The myriad of accents that float around the sidewalks in a city where everyone is a transplant.
The lush flowers that leave pink, white, purple, blueish, orange petal debris all over the sidewalk. Ive seen cars parked for a few days that get covered. A flower snowstorm.
Barely dressed bodies float by. It’s hard to concentrate when theres ribs and butts and thighs and jawlines to look at from behind sunglasses…
Art deco buildings. Spanish buildings. Craftsman buildings. Bungalows. Beach castles. Canyon Chateaus. Dream houses.
Things I’m not in love with:
My neighborhood has a million dogs that live to bark at every falling leaf.
My cat decides that everyone gets up at 7 am.
People drive like it’s a riot.
On an another note, here are so photos I shot of Pearl Charles, check out her amazing band! https://www.facebook.com/PearlandthePipesCanyonBand
All the clothes are from Fauve&Hunter (except the fringe jacket which will never leave my possession) and also, we’re doing appointments in our cute little mini showroom/ store! If you want to come in to shop in person, shoot me an email! Theres so much that’s NOT on the online store!
Circular Ruins is being screened for the first time on June 19th in Los Angeles. I’m excited to see it in it’s entirety for the first time. What a journey. As that adventure finally wraps up, I am writing my first film. A silent film, but not without things to say. More on that soon!
Keep in touch <3
We set up at Desert Daze this year to sling vintage and watch some of our favorite bands, and also roll around the dust with our friends! I absolutely love setting up shop at festivals and we’ve had the fortune of doing SXSW before this one. I’d really love to travel to more and take this show on the road.. We’ve been meeting so many amazing people and I just.. want more of that! I love these photos that Brandon shot there.
Levi loves the sun shine
Lil Elina, whom I’m going to miss when she goes back to SLC.
Harrison taking a break in my princess tent..
The day after I went up to Solvang to work on a movie with my friend Alex.. 2 weeks of hijinks, we fed ostriches, I saw Willy Wonka for the first time (I know) and the purest night skies I’ve ever seen. I never realized how beautiful that whole area was and I think I ate enough pastries to last me a lifetime..
In the meantime Circular Ruins (the TSJS film) is finally complete, and will be screening on June 19th in Los Angeles!
Sneak peek at new pieces that are hitting the shop soon! I love this gauzy gray jumpsuit, it makes you look like a grecian statue..
Woah long absence!!
I went away for a few weeks to work with my dear friend and talented wardrobe lady Alexandria, to Solvang, which is an amazing little dutch village by Santa Barbara.
Now I’m back in LA and I wanted to invite anyone who may be around to come to Fauve and Hunter’s first little happy hour trunk show!!
Something curious happened recently. In the shift of turning myself into my own boss, turning passion into career, I found myself validating everything with a simple criteria: Is this paying? Ew. What?
This probably happens when you do start to depend solely on your craft to make a living, which is what I’ve been trying to do since I quit my day job and got a lot hungrier. Without the security of a semi-weekly paycheck, it starts to seem like everything you do falls under a) waste of time, or, b) vital. There’s a huge problem with that when you mix art, creativity, and professional, and that is, as an artist, the time spent in between actual productions, paintings, songs, series… all the accidental meetings, the sunrises, unfortunate events, books read, conversations overheard, words spoken, are completely vital to that creation. You must be alive, and you need to NEED to create, struggle is inspiring, errors are lessons, and more than once they have been accidental inspiration, and that (to me) is what keeps art a natural thing.
“In the world of the dreamer there was solitude: all the exaltations and joys came in the moment of preparation for living. They took place in solitude. But with action came anxiety, and the sense of insuperable effort made to match the dream, and with it came weariness, discouragement, and the flight into solitude again. And then in solitude, in the opium den of remembrance, the possibility of pleasure again.” –Anais Nin
“Do whatever you do intensely. The artist is the man who leaves the crowd and goes pioneering. With him there is an idea which is his life.” –Robert Henri
“Build a good name. Keep your name clean. Don’t make compromises, don’t worry about making a bunch of money or being successful. Be concerned about doing good work. Protect your work and if you build a good name, eventually that name will be its own currency. Life is like a roller coaster ride, it is never going to be perfect. It is going to have perfect moments and rough spots, but it’s all worth it” –Patti Smith
There’s never a guarantee that what you do is what someone else wants. I do believe there’s a bigger chance of being happier if you spend your life creating and offering the world what truly lives within you. We all lose ourselves in music and our bodies dance, our bones arent having a discussion with our brains on what comes next, it just happens. Lose yourself in your own wilderness and you will create something far more beautiful than anything created as a “tribute” to something we wished we belonged to.
I think that true artists are often copied by the masses today because it’s hard to be authentic these days. It’s much easier to imitate, when a part of you is telling yourself that looking the part is half the battle, but wearing crochet dresses and heart sunglasses isn’t what’s inspiring, it’s what you do with yourself, costume and all.
Be careful of treating yourself, artist, like an employee, when you become your own boss. Don’t shut off your whims, believe in your instinct.
I often have moments of crushing doubt. Lord Byron said “I deny nothing, but doubt everything.” The occasions where I find myself surrounded by like minded beautiful people, am collaborating on art, the times that I look at my little house, the flowers, take a bath and remember how I got there are some of the most life affirming moments I’ve ever felt. They’re up there with holding brand new kittens, meeting my love and drinking champagne in swimming pools during a storm. The times in between are BRUTAL reminders that everything you want, is yours to create and no one is going to wrap it in a box for you, even if it seems to be that way for everyone else.
Jealousy and Assumption are a pair of wicked friends and sometimes you slack off into a bath of self pity and let the two of them whisper bullshit in your ear.
Take walks. Look at people straight in the eye when you say “Hello.” Go for coffee and leave your phone at home. Disconnect your eyes from your interior ego and let the world feed you a much needed feast. Say yes to opportunity and figure it out along the way.
If something feels right from every fiber of your body, do it. halfway there you’ll probably meet doubt and fear, but that’s obstacles and it’s natural. Confront them and forge ahead and don’t look back. I only suggest this, because those are the only times I have felt like a successful, whole, person.
/steps off soap box….
Just a couple more days to get ready for SXSW! It’s funny how every year that I attend, it’s doing something different. It’s a hectic week in Austin, mostly really fun, sometimes overwhelming and inevitably sludgy in terms of traffic. I’m almost ready for it all, but I need plenty of inspiration to stay focused, otherwise I’m just going to stress out and then I’ll forget everything.
The WEATHER at sxsw is always funny, usually it’s warm, or scorching hot with a crazy temperature drop and icy winds to catch you off guard, to bring fur coats or not? I think I’ll leave them behind…
No really though… what are we all going to bring?
Absolutely in love with this Lindsey Windlam embroidery, which reminds me of a treasure one would find at Uncommon Objects on South Congress..
I’ve packed SO many beautiful gauzy floaty white dresses, they’re perfect for enchanting from the crowd at all the shows you’ll catch.. Don’t spill your bloody marys on them though..
Just have fun! Don’t forget your sunscreen and lipstick.
And have a blast.
Don’t forget to visit the shop Fauve&Hunter, I’ll be with the ethereal and amazing Dust&Drag at the PsychFest showcase! (more info on that soon)
I went to Vegas with my girls Jamie and Erica.. three girls packed into a little silver car with a Yoda ornament bopping along to the speed bumps and turns, all the way to our black glass pyramid hotel (The Luxor, which I only recommend for it’s pyramid soap and if you need to be close to Magic or whatever trade show is going on at Mandalay Bay) The Luxor has some crazy ghosts which our room service man regaled us with scary tales before leaving us completely bewildered.
Ax+Apple was showing at ENK Vegas which is one of the more specific shows under the Magic Convention. I always LOVE going to the shows because its the circus, everyone is there, working really hard, you get to see what designers and creators have been dreaming up for the past 5 months and you get to see what’s in store for the next season! It’s like peeking into a visual future.. You get to meet designers, jewelry makers, photographers, investors, musicians.. You inevitable get too tipsy too early and fall into pastry delirium the way we did at The Wicked Spoon on day 2.
We saw Ice Cube play a show at the Hudson Jean’s party where pink champagne and bowls of strawberries were over flowing and we watched apocalyptic sunrises every morning in our window. I got lost every day and added an extra mile of walking around trying to find an exit to the casino (it’s a trap). Met some beautiful LA designers who I think have one of my favorite new labels, Harlyn.
It’s got everything I long for from vintage fashion, but in updated fabrics and cuts, all silks and soft soft cotton. The trousers are a dream and the next collection is definitely going to be a huge deal.
Otherwise.. Vegas was Vegas in all it’s weird, chilling reality. We drove home and I felt relief when we drove into our dusky purple sky city.
Now I’m gathering up the pieces to bring to SXSW! I’m beyond excited to be in Texas, to be selling with my soul sister Stephanie and see some bands and meet some of my amazing customers!
Are you going to be at SXSW? Keep in touch!!